Conservatism is a Disease

Friends,

Conservatism is a disease. And in America's case it is quite possibly terminal. As with any disease the best bet we have against it is education. Unfortunately for us the disease causes mass groups of brainless zombies to destroy what pathetic system we have in place for that education.

But lucky for you I've done the research and here's what I've found.

Americans experiencing any of the following symptoms would do well to immediately navigate to thinkprogress.org, call a liberal friend and let them know your symptoms, and keep reading this blog:

Symptoms of the Conservatism Virus:

1. A loss of compassion. This is the first symptom the subject will experience. It may begin with some sort of new self centered belief such as a desire to raise taxes on the poor and lower them on corporations. Subjects feeling some sort of resentment towards homosexuals may also be infected.

2. A loss of logic. The infected subject may begin to not only feel that taxes should be raised on the poor or collective bargaining rights should be taken from employees but may begin actually arguing for their new found compassionateless illogical belief. At this point we are running out of time and need to act quickly.

3. A complete loss of sanity. The final loss we will see in the subject is that of sanity. At this point the chances of recovery have dwindled down to the slightest of hopes. The subject may now begin actively supporting Republican candidates and even throwing insane bumper stickers such as "Annoy a Liberal: Be proud!" or "NOPE" on their vehicles. The subject may at this point become engrossed in the teachings of Glenn Beck and FOX news.

At this point the three loses have completed and we are left with the hollow shell of a sane American. The victim, like millions before him, has succumbed to the Conservative disease.

Now there are varying levels of the disease. Many have a strong immune system that can readily fight off the disease and others may succumb but are less affected than others. I have classified these people into four categories.

First we have the Treystone Conservatives, the least of the four categories. Deriving their name from the creators of a well known show, South Park, these Conservatives may lean right but are largely indifferent to the politics of the day. Extremely uneducated about current affairs, they are easily led like sheep by the Republican rod of "fear," "terrorism," and "9/11."

Next we have the McCainanite Conservatives. This is a broad category for Conservatives. 90% of them may fit in this category. In fact Conservatives from other categories could easily fit here as well. These are the dishonorable fool's whose level of conservatism fluctuates faster than you can say "John McCain." One day you will see them supporting a repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell and the next you will see them declaring "today is a very sad day" at it's repeal.

Then there is the Palinist Conservatives. Ask these fools why they are conservative and your going to hear "because our first President, Abraham Lincoln, was a conservative!" Completely ignorant of fact and oblivious to truth these Conservatives have stumbled into the world of politics completely blind and uneducated. They have no idea what a Republican stands for or what they are doing. This is without a doubt the most dangerous category of Conservative.

And finally we have the Beckist Conservatives. These fear mongering apocalyptic bible thumping assholes are a largely harmless lot of ignorant fools. They spend the bulk of their time following their leader Glenn Beck and attending Church. As absolutely ignorant as they are the only real threat they pose is that they may elect a Palinist to public office.

This is only the beginning of an education I plan to extend to all worried Americans. So keep in tune. And please, if you or someone you know suffers from the Conservative Disease seek help, it is there. Begin by turning off FOX news and going to mediamatters.org. Keep in tune with my blog as I walk my readers through the recovery process.

A Progressive Revolution on the Horizon

My fellow Progressives,

Have you read the news? Barack Obama is not an American. He's a socialist. No, really. Haven't you seen the Hitler stach? This President wasn't even born in America. Moreover he's a terrorist. In league with Osama Bin Laden (Osama, Obama... coincidence?) he is on a Jihad against America.

But it's not just him. Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, and every terrorist loving Democrat in Congress are out to bring YOU down. They want to reach into YOUR pocket and make all your children into Jihadist Muslims bent on killing our great Christian Nation.

They want to take your guns and abort your children. Rack up our national debt and make our sons into homosexuals. They want to allow Muslims to live in our country and even tell us we need to exercise!

Scary, the mind of a conservative, isn't it? Yes, there are only two words that could ever describe the minds of these lunatics: Scary and interesting.

It is, after all, a wonder that a person can stare straight at the truth and yet believe the person standing next to them shouting "It's a lie."

You see, "fact's are stupid things." Ronald Reagan, the Great Conservative Hero, here told us more about his followers than one hundred years of pointless debate with them. He let us know that our entire infallible and educated argument was as useful as Rush Limbaugh's fat ass. But more than that he left us with a subliminal message we failed to realize.

My friends, Republicans are terrorists. And Ronald knew it. Not the Taliban, al Qaeda, suicide in a market place type. No, these economic Jihadist's are much more dangerous. These right wing extremists have mastered the art of manipulation, distortion, and fear tactics. And they are out to destroy you.

The worst part is that they are destroying America with the full support of the American voter. You need no more evidence than to look at the similarities between today and 1933.

It was in May of that year that Adolf Hitler, Chancellor of Germany for 4 months, moved quickly to abolish Unions. Republicans acted a little faster than Hitler though. It was less than 3 months in power that Republican's in Wisconsin moved with the threat of the National Guard at their backs to illegally abolish Unions and take workers rights away.

Adolf Hitler used the media to garner support among the people. Republicans have the biggest media outlet available to propel them to the front, FOX news.

But Media is only half the battle, they need money too. That's where Koch Industries come in. Now, America, do you think companies have YOUR best interest or YOUR pocket book at the front of their minds? You may be concerned to know then that Koch industries placed Governor Scott Walker into his current office by pumping millions of dollars into propaganda.

Koch industries pays the Republican Party. Now think about that. It's probably a crazy thing to ask given the state of the economy but you've at least had a job right? Now, when you had that job you were paid weren't you? Why? Probably because you provided a service to your boss.

What do you think the Republican Party is paid by Koch Industries to do then? To put money in your wallet? To protect your children and put them in school? You bet your ass it's not.

My friends, the Republican Party is a TERRORIST organization. It is not out for you. And this is why it is time for a new revolution. A Progressive Revolution. Can you feel it? It's already started. I can hear the chants in Wisconsin, "Fox lies," "Recall the Republicans!"

In 2008 we crippled the evil machine. But we made the mistake of turning our backs. We let the rich run to their aid and pump billions into the Conservative terrorist machine.

In 2010 we paid dearly for underestimating the resolve of the Koch brothers, Sarah Palin, and the whole GOP establishment.

In 2012 we bring down this bitch. If you can feel the revolution on the horizon take a stand. Go to the polls and stop the rich from ruining America. You are the only one that can stop this blatant assault on liberty and freedom.